My husband and I discuss our children and behavior patterns quiet often. He is pretty observant on how the kids and I interact with each other. Since I am home with them during the day....and evenings, most of the discipline is up to me. He has noticed a bit too much lately that I argue with the kids...I explain to much to them...and I am not harsh enough when it comes to their discipline. Of course I have my excuses...has he ever met our challenging almost 4 year old....I keep seeing light at the end of the tunnel...but she is a challenge at times and I also have a 2 year old that doesn't talk very much, so screaming when can't get his way is his preference of communication. He is home during the last few hours right before they go to bed...and I have been counting down bedtime since maybe 4pm...I am tired...often cranky and the to-do list from 4pm-8pm skyrockets...dinner, clean-up, feed baby, snack, baths, bedtime routine, reading, feed baby again, tuck-in...more often than not I am grouchy because it has been a long day and I haven't had a break to be alone and just breathe...so off of my excuses....I know child discipline should be at the forefront and I want my husband to see that I am trying. Trying really hard actually. Soooo.....here are a few questions/concerns that I started asking myself lately (well a book prompted me to...more about that later.)
1. Do my no's mean no...or is it maybe...talk me into it and I might change my mind?
I try really hard on this issue. Really hard. Sometimes I feel bad out in public or at a friend's house when I am the "mean mom" in the group because I said no my child can't do/have something...and then the begging starts and I try to stick to my guns, and then the other parent's say it is ok and their kids are doing it and then it all caves in and then my no turns to yes, because the other kids are doing it and so on...hard...but I am really going to work on it. At home it is a a lot easier because I only have the little voices of my own kids...and well I am in charge...not them.
What does the Bible say?
Matthew 5:37: Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no', 'no''; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
The Bible is right. When I say no to my kids...it should be just that. When they argue and don't agree it is outright disobeying. Nothing else about it...disobeying. Are you a push over? I sure don't want to be one with my kids.
2. Am I an effective leader to my kids?
I hope so. Of course my husband is the main leader in this house, but when he isn't around, am I? or are my kids? Look at your own family...who makes the decisions? I hear a lot of "no" I don't want to go/do "xyz", my response is sorry, that is what is going to happen. I see more often that not, kids leading their families and telling their parents how it is going to be. Sad. I feel bad when I say..."because I say so." Why should I be though?
The Bible says: Ephesians 6:1: Children obey your parents for in the Lord this is right.
It doesn't say...parents obey your children...anywhere.
3. A look back in time....when I was in elementary school there where maybe a few kids that would act up on occasion. I don't recall anyone diagnosed with any deficit disorder...what is up with today where there are so many labels?
I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, because I don't know exactly who reads this blog, but why have things changed so drastically in the wrong direction? Are things really getting that bad with our kids? Are parents just softening up on discipline and looking for an easy way out (meds) or an excuse for the way their child is acting? Are we relying too much on new worldly wisdom? Just wondering out loud why so much has changed. I see it in our neighborhood kids...disrespect to adults, property, others...I saw it when I was teaching high school. I see it in the stores and out in public just about everywhere. It is a really sad world we live in.
2 Timothy 3:16 says: "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training..."
Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
4. Last question...why has the birth rate in America declined since my parents where raised (1950's-1960's).
My dad came from a family with 6 kids and my mom 4. It was common back then. How come it has gone down so much? Why are people "crazy" for wanting to desire more? I hear so many excuses? (I am not referring to those who have prayed and can't have more kids...my prayers are with you because I know you are hurting so much). But I hear excuses of I can hardly handle the one or two I have. My kids drive me crazy already. We won't be able to afford their college education if we have more or be able to buy them all cars. We can't afford daycare if we have another. What about just being content with how many you have instead of using worldly excuses of not having more? Maybe I am just stuck on this subject because pretty much on a weekly basis I am asked by my friends and family....are you done YET with having kids? Frustrating that so many others are concerned that if we have one more or two our world will just cave in.
Psalm 127:3: Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
So off my soapbox...just a few things that have been going through my head. I finished a book last week that I wrote about in at the end of a previous post: here . It is called "Parenting by the Book: Biblical wisdom for raising your child." By John Rosemond. This book starts off by looking back in time and how things have changed so much. He then gives many strategies for disciplining your kids in this changing world. I know some people will not like this book or agree what he says. Some aren't raising their kids by what the Bible has to say...but instead of what the new age worldly people have to say. Good luck with that. Some don't want to hurt their kids feelings and are concerned about ruining their self-esteem. Good luck with that. Well I am slowly implementing some of his strategies beyond what I have already been doing...let's just say I think it was a wake-up call for one little 5 year old the other day.