Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Being married is a lot of work

Being a wife is a lot of work
Last week we had a speaker in our MOPS group,  Jennifer Brown,  from Hope in the Lord Ministries speak to us.  I have heard her speak several times and she always has some good reminders for women who are in the role of a wife.  Being a wife is not an easy thing.  It takes a lot of work.  Almost every young girl has this dream of how wonderful it would be to plan their own wedding, be married, and have kids.  Let me tell you what, I think back to my single days and it was a much easier life being single when I had to just worry about myself.  No I am not in any way shape or form saying I regret getting married and having kids.  I wouldn’t change it for anything.  I am just saying that I could go and do whatever I needed to without having to worry about feeding anyone else, making sure things were clean, worrying about anyone elses work schedules etc.  Plus being a wife of biblical values in a world with few values makes it extra hard. 
What about me, don’t I need a break?
I am constantly hearing my friends tell me...just tell your husband what to do or that he needs to just pitch in more around the house and with the kids.  Sometimes I am amazed at how much my friends go and do while their husbands are at home with the kids and all I think about is…my goodness that poor guy…didn’t he already have a long day/week at work?  Do they ask their husband what they think about things instead of just telling their husband how things are going to be?  Maybe everyone’s work schedules are different, but Sean’s work week is crazy as crazy can be.  He tells me stories of what goes on in running a plant and managing a few hundred people with many different types of personalities.  I am so grateful I don’t have to have a job like that and feel for him sometimes with all he has to deal with during the day.  He has to discipline, hire, fire, mediate, coach, make important decisions, listen to the gripes of many, and then do his job of running a successful business.   Kind of sounds like my job of a stay at home mom a bit, just on a larger scale.  So for me I know the last thing that Sean wants to do is spend his time in his haven (home) that he has provided for our family and do the same things he does on a daily basis at work.  Yes I am exhausted taking care of the kids and I rarely get a day off, but he is exhausted just the same and has his own guy to-do list when he is here at home.  Yes I do get to go out on occasion with friends or run quick errands, but I try to time those things when I know his day has been calm or our schedules haven’t been crazy.  He doesn’t mind keeping the kids or helping me out around the house, but I rarely ask knowing that sometimes it is just easier to take the kids where I need to go instead of dropping the load on him when he walks in the door.  I also try my best not to leave him—honey do lists.  Granted I can’t do everything around here, but I know he has his list of projects in his head that he would like to accomplish, so I try to time certain things when he isn’t in the middle of his projects.
I am grateful
I am grateful that Sean has given me the freedom to go and do whatever I want to with the kids or for myself.    He trusts that I am making the best decisions when he is away at work.  He doesn’t put many limits on what we do.  If it is something big, we talk it over and he tells me what he thinks and we go from there.   I am grateful that he has allowed me to be able to stay at home with the kids and provides our family with everything that we need. 
When we first got married and starting having kids, Sean expressed that one of his goals with our family is to have a peaceful household.  With me staying home with the kids, that has been the first step in keeping our house peaceful.  We try not to over do it with activities and fill our evenings with things…we know as our kids get older and are more into things, that this might be a bit hard, but for now, we are striving for peace. 
What about what the Bible says?
There are many Bible verses out there telling families, husbands, wives, and kids how they should conduct themselves.  Not always easy when you always seem to get a wordly view of what people think instead of a Biblical view.  Here is one verse you have probably heard but have not taken to heart or applied in your own marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-24
22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Is your husband the head of your household…or are you?
Questions to ask yourself about your marriage and relationship with your husband?
No I am not a marriage expert or have the “perfect” marriage.  I am just saying what works for Sean and I.  But next time you start nagging your husband and drop a burden load on him…ask yourself….
1.                        ***Do I tell him what to do way too much and nag him about things?  What does he 
                         think about that?
2                      *** Is our home a peaceful haven for him to come home to?  If not, why?
4.                     ***Am I in charge of this household or do I let him be?
5.                     ***Am I being a mom to my husband or am I being a wife?  Did he marry me to have   
                         another mom?
Something to chew on. 

Talk with your husband about his wants/needs for your family—if you haven’t already.  Hopefully he will be honest with you about how he really feels and not just say things because he knows you want to hear certain things.

I am lucky—Sean is honest with me so I know exactly what I need to do in maintaining peace in our household.  Love him to pieces!

1 comment:

  1. Great post Julie. With all the focus on how husbands are treating their wives these days, its nice to see someone thinking about their husband first. A lot of good stuff in there for women who haven't heard it before and good reminders for women you have. Being a good wife doesn't usually come naturally.