Thursday, April 18, 2013

9 practices of the Proactive Parent!

This is review four from the workshops I attended at the Nebraska Christian Home Educators conference.  If you missed the first three, click on my blog header and scroll down:)

This workshop was presented by Dr. Steve Scheibner.  I really, really enjoyed his message and hearing about his family & life.  I am going to include a 15 minute video clip at the end of this review.  It is a powerful story about 9/11. 

His wife, Mrs. Megan Scheibner, also presented many workshops.  I unfortunately didn't go to any of her's.  But I heard they were if you went...think about writing a review for me to post.  :) Would love to hear about it.  I am reading her book:  A-Z Guide for Character Healthy Homeschooling.  It is a brand new book and was hot off the presses at the conference. 

You can find more about their ministry at

Nice Practices of the Proactive Parent:

The main point I took away from this workshop was--

Don't keep your fingers crossed that things will change or go the right way.  (in regards to raising your children).

He used an example of the hail mary pass in football.  Are we taking chances with our kids and hoping by a miracle they will be ok?

Everything needs a foundation.  Think about if you were building a house.  Without a foundation, your house will just fall to pieces.

Everyone needs a foundation= Christ.  Without him.  You have nothing.

99% of the parenting advice out their (books, lectures, expert opinions) goes after the symptoms of how to raise a child.  We need to go after the disease.

He covered the 3 Pillars of Parenting:

1.  Consistently elevating virtues above feelings.

I know my kids are young and it may get a bit harder when they are older, but what this means is that I want to build a foundation in them that good moral standing is more important that hurting someones feelings.  If we follow what the Bible has laid out to us, we may get our feelings hurt along the way, but what is more important...straying from the word of God or keeping on the right moral path?

1 Peter 1:5-8

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2.  Making God look great!

Don't be a stumbling block to the process.  Provide your kids with the tools and knowledge to living a Godly life.

Matthew 22:36-39

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is this, love your neighbor as yourself.

1 Corinthians 10:31

 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

3.   Train children to be a blessing to others.

Teach your kids how to serve others...not just think about themselves.   I remember a time when we were at a friends house for lunch after church.  Their teenage daughters (without even a prompt from their parents) knew how to serve.  They were hospitable and took care of what their parents were not able to do at that very moment.  Loved seeing this.  This family is a family that I look up to while we raise our kids.  I want my girls especially to serve like they serve others.

The Parenting Progression:

Obedience ----> Responsibility -----> ownership

Insist they do things around the house...even though it might be more work to teach them.  You are robbing them of the privilege and character development.

Disobedience ----> irresponsibility  ---> entitlement

The variable equation is the parents.  Are you teaching your kids that they are entitled to things...that they do not deserve?  When they are irresponsible and disobedient?

Insist on first time obedience.  

The Motivation Model:

As a motivator, the fear of punishment is only as effective as an individual love of virtue.  
Think about when someone does something wrong...steals, cheats, etc.  Would they do it if they knew for sure they would get caught?  That is why we should teach our children virtues.

Preferring Proactivity:

You know the tree by their fruit, just as you know people by it's fruit (parent's offspring).  Grow in Christ.  Be someone who is trying to become more like the image of Christ.  

Don't be reactive--- high degree of anger, stress, manipulative, inconsistent, moody, a bad decision maker, panic, anxious, impulsive, full of expectations, a victim, pointing blame.

Be reactive-- positive, loving, encouraging, consistent, calm, peaceful, joyful, patient, gentle, faithful, a problem solver, and able to control one's self.

That is all I have for this workshop.  They talk so fast it is hard to get everything down.  If you attended and have anything else to add...feel free to add it the comments section.

And the video I promised you!


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